This space is for proto-jokes, once written here they can be copy pasted into fitting places in the script.
If you do this leave a note of where it has gone to. If its struck out then its in the master script like this
e.g. Dorothy's dog is called Toto the lone Rangers friend in Tonto.
If you like a joke move it up the page.
TYPHOON
you get a luvly OOHH with TYPOOON!!
Brick toad
Does anybody know if there is such a thing as a 'Brick Toad' I know that the dint in an old style brick is called a frog? if there is also a toad then we could… wait for it…
Follow the yellow brick toad! (the toad has found it's way here at last)
When they have to cross the river they can get directions from a toad.
++ Tall?
character 1: I wish I was as tall as you
character 2: If you were then your feet would slide around
character 1: Why?
character 2: Cos they wouldn't reach the ground…
character 1:Well I wish you were as tall as me
character 2:That wouldn't work Id have a walk around with my knees bent all the time..
(pause)
character 1:Isn't it clever how peoples legs are the right length to reach the ground.
Footprints
The which is burnt all thats left is her shoes … carbon footprints
Pompom
Two characters in OZ both called Pom = pom pom, cheerleaders?
(my eyes must be fading fast I thought the m was rn in Pom..look really close and you will see what I mean.. just wondered how we'd get away with a panto like that in Weston?)
It could be Tom and Tom too (see below)
TomTom
Are you the wicked Witch of the North?
No I came South but I used my TomTom so struggled on the A61 and eastbound A50.
Are you the Wicked Witch of the West then?
It might be best not to start there.
Which way is Witch? Every which way? Good stuff RB
Word play with Tycoon and Racoon - damn tycoons in the rubbish again!
++ Pickin his nose
A boy and his mother stood looking at a plastic surgeons showcase.
"If I had to have a new nose, mother, I'd have that one," said the small boy, pointing.
"Hush, Willie," interposed the mother quickly, shaking his arm, "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your nose in public?"
"ok mum I won't pick my teeth" boy runs to audience finger fully up nose
(think it would get a laugh. LC)
Credit
"Black belt in credit cards"
Spectacle
- To man wearing glasses… drunk again, you've made a spectacle of yourself!
- Nasty, Ugly …never have I sen such horrible spectacle … yes they were the ugliest glasses
In the Clint Eastwood film 'Every Which Way But Loose' his character had a phrase " hang a left Cylde" when ever he said that his pet Orangutan would push his arm straight out.. punching anybody in its way .. out cold. Maybe the wik'id witch should use her hench person in the same way… i remember in the film it was flying monkey creatures?
"Adam, where HAVE you been?", "Jeg bor i Norge", "No-way!" - J'ai nikke snakker Norske
I see you have foibles … didn't realise they were showing
Geisha ways … their a small cuk-de sac
The chalice from the palace speech from The jester
The Scarecrow could not get into The Scarecrow Trail because he has no brain.
Lyd has suggested that we try some mashups for the songs - there are some nice links on wikipedia for this…
Immigration
People arrive from countries former when the USSR broke up. Some times you hear of the country first, sometimes you hear about the people from the country.
So you know the country where Cafetarians come from and you will have heard of people who come from Vegeraria. You may have heard about Khakistan, but you did you know its true… Khaki is tan.
erm.. should we guess what the people that come from the little Greek island of Lesvos are called? (the Greeks pronounce the 'v' as B)..ummm thats actually where they are meant to come from … Greek mythology I think.
Binmen recycling
1. And then he turned into a doorway…
2. (aside) Thats a clever trick
1. Then he walked through the door
2. (aside) Thats another clever trick
This could be the start of a series of rubbish magic trick by the wizard, making water into a cake too "scone" and there must be more. Good …. lets list some groaners …
I spent three years in college taking medicine.
Are you cured now?
Aston
A brain surgeon decided that he could use people from Aston as ideal candidates for practising his craft. Unfortunately he could never tell if the op had been successful or not. ???
Went to bed
1. I say … where is Mary
2. Shes gone to bed with salmonella
1. What both of them!
This kind of works also with Melancholia … any other suggestions as it could be a running gag
1. I say … where is Mary
2. Sick…Shes gone to bed with salmonella
1. What both of them that is sick!
Prunes
Running gag … ok …. eat prunes … they make you go faster
Hence "run for the bushes … the prunes are coming" … sorry old jokes RB
++ smelly stuff
I don't know why but I woke up this morning and everything seems to smell of fish
Maybe its just you (protojoke)
Luvvy
Oh children …. when anything goes wrong Frenchmen will shout "Say Luvvy". Will you help me. When something goes wrong and some one says "Say Luvvee" will you all shout "Luvee" … and then I'll come running. OK lets practise. C'set la vie …. Luveee… no I can't hear you.
In Cannes
I thought of getting some asparagus in cans … but we never went there … Cannes
or…Have you thought of using carrots you can get them in cans you know…I'm not going all the way to france for vegetables.
Smallville Kansas
You're on
Someone cannot get someting to work. Two more people arrive. A ticks B. B chases C and ticks them on. C ticks A on. A ticks the "Something" and says "your on" and the something switchs on.
Rash comment
I have this itchy red mark on my tummy and I hate your dog for causing it.
..Thats just a rash comment
Cursed
You will be be cursed … be cursed! Hah ha Yes you will be cursed
Be curs'd Be curs'd Becursed of the wounderful things he does
Off (smelly 2)
Owww we're off
a: sniffs.. yes you're right… you are off
b:ignore… Yes we're off to see the wizard
Character name
Fay Dingaway
bin rustling
:Bins … bins… have you seen the bins round here… they all say in big letters …. South Derbyshire Council…… why?
:Well its the rustling ….. years ago they used to have trouble with binboys. They would herd then up in the niddle of the night and stampede them over into Erewask
:really? They would all where outfits made out of brown paper
:Brown paper
:Yes thats how they go the name of "rustlers"
:Oh yes … bin-rustling ….it was a big problem. Luckily South Dernyshire now write the name of the council on the side of the bins…
:Has that stopped it?
:No its just moved it on … they know annoy people in cinemas and theatres?
:What stealing the bins?
:No bag rustling …. mostly pop-corn or toffee paper rustling. Personally I think it would be better if they went back to the bin rustling
:….and we could have bins that don't have the name of the council written on the side of them!
Doctor
Doctor I have problems with my hearing
:What are the symptoms
:Oh they are a fellow faced cartoon family on the telly
Lawyer
His parents decided he was going to be a lawyer. He had a name that took 25 min to read out. As he got paid by the minute, many of his customers had gone bankrupt before the introductions were over RB
